Thursday, June 5, 2008

Journal June 5th

Today has been an emotional day of confused inward searching, and efforts at self discovery. In this mess I pulled out my old note book where I kept everything important to me including my patriarchal blessing, it is pretty clear that my life is to be spend learning and teaching. Which is what I am doing now, which begs the question, do I need to look further for the meaning in my life?

I am sure the article I read, which was saved as the first thing in this important notebook, would be controversial. I know that as I read it I find I also am in conflict. But the truth of it is so simple. Just as I want to step out into the world and get a job, just as I want to get an education. I run into this article. Now I find myself asking what the long term effects these decisions will have on my children, instead what potential money will I make and what ways will that increase my status in the world. After some thought I have come to the conclusion that the education will benefit me, broadening my mind, and my children, as they follow my example. So I believe that is the most likely one to stay in my long term plan.

I will need to find the article source so I can link it here, my initial search did not find it at

Nest I read over something I wrote about what a mother needs, and about the awkward social situation mothers find themselves in once they become a SAH (stay at home) Mom. I really enjoyed rereading it. So I am going to post it on her. Before I do I would like to quote from President Hinkley in his book "Standing for something".

There is great loneliness in leadership. This is do because we have to live with ourselves even if it means abandoning other relationships and pursuits. We have to live with our own consciences. We have to live up to our inner feelings. We have to stand for the values and beliefs that we have embraced, adopted, and woven into our characters.

It was ever thus. The price of leadership is loneliness. The price of adherence to conscience is loneliness. The price of adherence to principle is loneliness. I think it is inescapable. The savior of the world was a man who walked in loneliness. I do not know of any statement more underlined with the pathos of His loneliness than this one; " The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of Man hath not where to lay his head" (Matthew 8:20)

It is not easy to be virtuous when all about us there are those who criticize or scorn virtue. 

In leadership in standing for a principal, there is loneliness. But men and women of integrity must live with their convictions. Unless they do so, their are miserable -- dreadfully miserable. and though there may be thorns, though there may be disappointment, though there may be trouble and travail, heartache and heartbreak, and desperate loneliness, there will also be comfort and strength and that "peace of God, which passeth all understanding" (Philippians 4:7)

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