Sunday, June 15, 2008

Worldview Building Blocks

This written to be in response to Karla's Blog post with the same title.

Worldview Building Blocks


At the end she asks "What is your worldview and how did you arrive at it?"... Below is my answer.

Like LDS Article of faith #1 I have found through my own soul searching that I DO believe in God the Eternal Father, and in his son Jesus Christ and in the Holy Ghost. I discovered that this was my strong foundation at age 15 when no other foundation made sense to me. Age 13-15 is the time my world view changed the most dramatically over my life time. Other then the initial investment that my parents made in my charetor in the formative years of 0-5, and other then my maturing as I grow older and hopefully wiser. Those changes of life were more gradual, and natural, but the ages of 13-15 were a life roller coaster of extremes in world views for me.

The story starts with a world view shattering event.

My oldest sister (Whom I was very close to, whom I revered as not only being older but also wiser. Whom always had the right answers to everything in life. Much like Laura from the little house on the prairie desired to be like Mary, Dawn seemed to always know exactly what was the best thing to do) Dawn left the LDS church for a fundamentalist break off of the LDS church. It matters not the name of her church, it is a small break off not very well known even among the fundamentalists, it is most defiantly not FLDS. This group was polygamist, and they do live communally. Two other major factors were part of this paradigm change. Not only did Dawn leave out church but in the same year Waco happened. I remember reading a Time article about a Waco member named Julie, who loved horses. Her story was so much like my own sister, to me it was almost like loosing my own sister. Then came the important part of processing my parents reactions.

"Dad" I said "I am afraid.... I am not sure I believe in the LDS church any more. I am not sure I even believe in God any more. My whole world is a mess and I am confused. I don't want to just want to walk around like a religious lemming following what ever is 'said' to be right. I want to know Dad. I want to know what is truth, for myself. I am afraid as I walk down this path that I will find I believe differently then you and Mother. I am afraid that you will feel I am lost. I do not think I will be lost, if I have followed my own beliefs. But I do not know what my beliefs are, I need to learn and research and find out what my beliefs are."

"Jeanine" my dad replied....

Ooppss out of time, got to run off to a family dinner. How's that for a cliff hanger :).

Jeanine




Saturday, June 14, 2008

Photos of People and Poultry








The Time of the Ducklings





Actually this story starts out with chicks. I found Welsummer chicks on sale at KSL.com and thought they were too cute. I Loved the color. I got 6 welsummer and 2 welsummer/ Americana mix. The man I got them from told me to go to IFA and get them some Chick started.

While at IFA I saw cute little baby turkeys and cute little baby ducklings (actually our ducklings had crested heads). How could I resist suck cute fluf? And it seems I was already in the poultry business. So I splurged and got one baby turkey and two yellow baby crested ducks.

They have a home in our Dog run, with two plastic Dog houses (holes drilled in the bottom to drain out any excess liquid). The Dog houses have hay spread on the bottom, and we added a light to keep the crew warm. While they were small we were concerned that they would hop through the chain link, But now they are too big. The back of my dog run has an open space where they can wander out of the run and into my back yard. They free range all over my back yard looking for yummy bugs, and living lots of great droppings all in the lawn, these droppings are high in nitrogen, so it is natural fertilizer :). Now when I hear commercials about fertilizer, I just think "get a chicken". On the radio they had an add that said "no one wants to be itchy and scratchy all summer. Get X product and get rid of annoying lawn bugs." What an add "What the? I think. Since when do lawns not have bugs? Goodness get a Chicken!"


A mama Duck and her baby duckling got stuck in our back yard somehow. She was trying to head west towards the Jordan river. My house is at the end of the subdivision before a BIG ROAD and on the other side of it (the west side) is the Jordan river. Trampled weeds could bee seen all around the yard from where Mama and her waddling trail of fluff and searched for a way out. There was not way out, except for a gate that was locked. Papa and I held a conference and decided we needed to do our own version of "Make Way for Ducklings". So just like the camera man in the book we became this little families escorts. We each got a long stick and used them to guide the family out of the bushes and to the back gate. Mama was rather reluctant to go out the back gate because of all the traffic. But after all that is where she had been trying to go all this time. Her babies hid in the last bush just inside the gate, also scared of the traffic. We gently coxed them out with the long sticks. Then we stood in the road with our hands up telling the traffic to stop, like traffic cops. As we guided the ducks across the street, darling children in the passing cars pressed their noses to the windows to get a good look. Down the street towards the river, across a small field, and into the rivers water, we guided Mama and her happy little balls of fluff. It is wonderful how these little ducklings follow their mother so dutifully. I wonder if mother duck can teach me how to get this type of obedience out of my children :). We had a fun family walk and adventure.






A Mommy duck was ran over by a car, leaving 8 motherless ducklings. I was not there when this happened but a friend of a fellow homeschooler was. So, last week at homeschool dance class I start talking about my ducks. This homeschool mother makes a B line across the waiting room floor and asks me if I would like to raise some orphaned ducklings, because they are trying to find a home for them. Would I? Goodness, not only would I love it, but my kids would love it, and my WHOLE neighborhood would love it!

Unfortunately these ducklings got sick and before I got them three of them died leaving five. The first night here two more die. The next day I go and buy some antibiotics for them and a better warming light. One still gets sickly. These pictures were taken before he died. Now we are down to only two ducklings, but they are on medicine and doing quite well.

Jeanine

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Angel Baby #3, Family Planning

Unfortunatly I just lost another baby at the end of May. As best I can tell this is Angel baby #3, but there may be 4. This miscarriage started rather early, I never knew I was pregnant untill my miscarriage started. I think I might not have realised that it was a miscarriage if I had not allready been through them, this was one for sure. For me this misscarriage has been totally different. For me it helped that I never 'knew' I was pregnant, and that it was so early, and especially because I 'let' it happen.

On my previous two miscarriages I fought against the miscarriage. I decided to believe that my pregnancy was only 'at risk' and if I tried EVERYTHING possiable maybe, just maybe, I could save the baby. Those were TORTURE. I spent my every min. thinking about the baby and how to save it. Loosing those babies was much more difficult.

Fortunatly this loss was mostly like a period that was a bit worse then normal.

There was one day where I sat despondant on the couch and did not get off of it all day, even though I had things I needed to do. That was the worst day. I also have not pused myself to do any work I do not want to, for now. I felt like I needed to go easy on myself at first. Thankfully I am feeling myself rise out of that.

"If you are going to loose your babies so easily... Why," you may ask, "dont you use some form of birth control?"

For me Birth Control is one of the most complicated health topics. Ever since Jeff and I were first married we practiced Natural Family Planning. This was our record for that time.

Baby #1 - 2+ years after merriage we decided we were ready to have a baby soon. We never made plans on when we wanted to get pregnant, that seemed to scary to do. So while we were still in the 'planning' phase we got careless about my cycle and got pregnant with baby #1.

Baby #2 two years after baby #1. I started having dreams about a dark haired dark eyed baby girl that belonged to me, and became EXTREEMLY baby hungry for a baby RIGHT NOW. So we tried to have a baby and had what I think was possiable my first misscarriage. Then three months after that we tried again and had Baby #2.

Baby #3 two years after baby #2. We decided we loved the spacing between baby 1 and 2 and planned to have baby #3 with the same spacing. Infact I was feeling so confident that I decided I wanted the baby to be born in Aug like his Papa and name him Jr. Well I miscalculated and this baby was born in July.

Child #4 While pregnant with baby #3 we found out we could adopt the beautiful dark eyed dark haired girl I dreamed about, she was now 3, She was born in the same month I had the dream about her. She is actually Child #2 by ages.

Angel Baby #2 Surprise an unplaneed pregnancy, we are totally excited. We replan our whole future to include this baby. Shortly after Baby #3 was born I felt strongly that another spirit wanted to have a body, so I felt that this pregnancy was this same spirit. I felt that I communed with this spirit and knew 'him', I strongly believed the baby was a he.

Angel baby #3 Surprise another unplanned pregnancy, this baby grows for almost three months like the one before. We are excited, but alas, things did not go as we hoped. Misscarriage was just like the one before

Angel baby #4 Just a few weeks ago, unplanned also. Lost the baby early-on before I 'Knew'I was pregnant.

You see for most of our married life we had the NFPing thing down. We could pick which months to get pregnant in, and when not to get pregnant. But something changed and now I do not seem to know my cycle well enough to avoid getting pregnant. Something else has changes also, I cant seem to carry the babies full term.

I WILL not use Chemical birth control this includes Spermacide, Pills and shots. I do not trust what they would do to my health, or my reproductive system. I will not fix my DH (he is not a dog). This only leaves the option of an IUD. I use to fear pregnancies that are valid with an IUD in and heard horor stories of babies being born with the IUD in the hand. Or the IUD causing a misscarriage after the baby grew for a while. Now I am concerned about the spiritual implication that the IUD might cause a woman to avoid pregnancy simply by 'aborting' all embrios. That basically the IUD makes it so the embrio will not implant even if it is fertalised. My soul struggles with this spiritual reality. I want ALL spirits to have a chance at life, ALL. I do not want to cause ANY spirit to loose that chance, ANY.

So I am at a paradox, loose a few babies through misscarriages because we have not been good at knowing our cycle for NFP. Or miscarriage unknown numbers of babies that do not have a chance to implant. Thus I remain in waiting and not making a decision. Maybe I need to go back to the basics of NFP, and do all the Newbie things to relearn my cycle. I think that is the best option. Then maybe I wont misscarry any because of an IUD or an unplanned pregnancy.

Jeanine

Thursday, June 5, 2008

The Road Not Taken












TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,




And sorry I could not travel both




And be one traveler, long I stood




And looked down one as far as I could




To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5









Then took the other, as just as fair,




And having perhaps the better claim,




Because it was grassy and wanted wear;




Though as for that the passing there




Had worn them really about the same, 10









And both that morning equally lay




In leaves no step had trodden black.




Oh, I kept the first for another day!




Yet knowing how way leads on to way,




I doubted if I should ever come back. 15









I shall be telling this with a sigh




Somewhere ages and ages hence:




Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—




I took the one less traveled by,




And that has made all the difference. 20

Robert Frost(1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.

A Mothers needs Diagrammed










Love,

We must have love to give love.

Stewardship of Motherhood

Established in creation, Motherhood is our opportunity to gain personal refinement and eternal joy as we personally take a role in the Lords great effort to gain happy souls secure in heaven. Motherhood is our connection with eternity. In motherhood we connect with our own eternal nature through its rigorous self refinement. In motherhood we connect with eternity as the fruits of our labor nourish the souls of our children in their formative beginnings. In motherhood we connect with eternity as we raise righteous children. They are our offerings to the Lord.

FEC (Family Executive Meeting) Thoughtful discussions with our
Husband about life.

A few moments of our husbands generous ear and an ounce of his deep insight can alleviate some of our most troublesome trials.

Quiet time/ Def rag time

We need time to simplify, to step back from our complex lives and shut down the over worked areas of our brains. We need this time to do what we enjoy. To rediscover the joys of living and connect with the happy simplicity of personal time, in order to reapply ourselves renewed to the tasks in our stewardships.

Personal refinement time
Study time
discussion time
contemplation time

We women can not serve up the complicated needs and demands of our stewardships from an empty stew pot. We need to fill and nourish the stew through our own personal study and development. It is in these sweet hours of study, contemplation and discussion that we find solutions to the real trials and difficulties of fulfilling our stewardships. It is in these moments of study, contemplations and discussions that the Lord places within our reach the answers to our questions and struggles. This may come in the form of thought full insight form another mother who has solved a similar problem. Or from sounds advice recorded in articles, books, or from our mind piecing together previously acquired knowledge in a new and innovative way.

Time for Planning and making lists

Everything exists in the mind before it is created in reality. Taking time out to make lists and plan is essential in creating the life we would like to have. Mothers lives are complex systems. As mothers we manage many numerous tasks and minute activities, each with natural consequences for mis management. Making lists and plans enable us to keep track of our compels systems and care for even the minute details successfully.

Exterior recognition and appreciation

Even the strongest most self confident woman needs a regular dose of recognition and appreciation. In the stewardships of motherhood we can easily loose track of our successes and accomplishments. These periodic exterior injections of positive enable us to maintain a proper perspective.

Community with like minded women. Who are endowed with similar stewardships.


Each of us women is blessed with a unique perspective and talents. What comes easily to one is a struggle to another and visa versa. Likewise the challenges one faces today could also be challenging another life, or other women could have overcome or mastered a similar challenge. In opend discussion with other women we learn what works in the field. It is here we learn that other women are knees deep in their own struggles also, and our plight is not unique. It is in community with other women that we gain compassion, understanding, humility, acceptance, insight and sisterhood. Isolation from other women can cause insanity. In these support groups we can also find acceptance of our weakness, and human frailty. Most mothers feel a strong need to be perfect, only in a comfortable group setting will we discover that imperfection is good and praiseworthy.

We need successes that take place in the now. We need to create something that stays permanent.

The successes of a mother is a difficult thing to measure. Their primary stewardship of raising righetous, happy, independant children does not manifest fully its results for years, many times decades. And the secoundary stewardship of mother; homemaking, can in many ways be more time consumeing and fleeting. In homemaking much of our efforts can be erased in mearly an hour. In homemaking we can toil untill a task reaches perfection only to watch its completness float away as the natural rythums of the house hold erase its existance.

Thus because much of our stewardship's successes are not measurable for years, or the evidence of them is being eroded away constantly, mothers need successes and achievements they can see now, and creations they create that are permanent. This is why we mothers so vigorously seed after hobbies, pet projects, and successes outside of the home.

Many times the immediate and permanence of successes outside the stewardships of motherhood and homemaking cn be so fulfilling, and can bring about such exterior recognition and appreciation that we mothers can be tempted to neglect the more fleeting stewardships of home and family.

These immediate and permanent successes are fulfilling, but tempting to become all consuming. It is a wise mother that utilizes them but keeps them in check.

Also these permanent immediate successes can be good examples to our children of skill and achievement.

Journal June 5th

Today has been an emotional day of confused inward searching, and efforts at self discovery. In this mess I pulled out my old note book where I kept everything important to me including my patriarchal blessing, it is pretty clear that my life is to be spend learning and teaching. Which is what I am doing now, which begs the question, do I need to look further for the meaning in my life?

I am sure the article I read, which was saved as the first thing in this important notebook, would be controversial. I know that as I read it I find I also am in conflict. But the truth of it is so simple. Just as I want to step out into the world and get a job, just as I want to get an education. I run into this article. Now I find myself asking what the long term effects these decisions will have on my children, instead what potential money will I make and what ways will that increase my status in the world. After some thought I have come to the conclusion that the education will benefit me, broadening my mind, and my children, as they follow my example. So I believe that is the most likely one to stay in my long term plan.

I will need to find the article source so I can link it here, my initial search did not find it at LDS.org

Nest I read over something I wrote about what a mother needs, and about the awkward social situation mothers find themselves in once they become a SAH (stay at home) Mom. I really enjoyed rereading it. So I am going to post it on her. Before I do I would like to quote from President Hinkley in his book "Standing for something".

There is great loneliness in leadership. This is do because we have to live with ourselves even if it means abandoning other relationships and pursuits. We have to live with our own consciences. We have to live up to our inner feelings. We have to stand for the values and beliefs that we have embraced, adopted, and woven into our characters.

It was ever thus. The price of leadership is loneliness. The price of adherence to conscience is loneliness. The price of adherence to principle is loneliness. I think it is inescapable. The savior of the world was a man who walked in loneliness. I do not know of any statement more underlined with the pathos of His loneliness than this one; " The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of Man hath not where to lay his head" (Matthew 8:20)

It is not easy to be virtuous when all about us there are those who criticize or scorn virtue.

In leadership in standing for a principal, there is loneliness. But men and women of integrity must live with their convictions. Unless they do so, their are miserable -- dreadfully miserable. and though there may be thorns, though there may be disappointment, though there may be trouble and travail, heartache and heartbreak, and desperate loneliness, there will also be comfort and strength and that "peace of God, which passeth all understanding" (Philippians 4:7)

Journal June 5th

Today has been an emotional day of confused inward searching, and efforts at self discovery. In this mess I pulled out my old note book where I kept everything important to me including my patriarchal blessing, it is pretty clear that my life is to be spend learning and teaching. Which is what I am doing now, which begs the question, do I need to look further for the meaning in my life?

I am sure the article I read, which was saved as the first thing in this important notebook, would be controversial. I know that as I read it I find I also am in conflict. But the truth of it is so simple. Just as I want to step out into the world and get a job, just as I want to get an education. I run into this article. Now I find myself asking what the long term effects these decisions will have on my children, instead what potential money will I make and what ways will that increase my status in the world. After some thought I have come to the conclusion that the education will benefit me, broadening my mind, and my children, as they follow my example. So I believe that is the most likely one to stay in my long term plan.

I will need to find the article source so I can link it here, my initial search did not find it at LDS.org

Nest I read over something I wrote about what a mother needs, and about the awkward social situation mothers find themselves in once they become a SAH (stay at home) Mom. I really enjoyed rereading it. So I am going to post it on her. Before I do I would like to quote from President Hinkley in his book "Standing for something".

There is great loneliness in leadership. This is do because we have to live with ourselves even if it means abandoning other relationships and pursuits. We have to live with our own consciences. We have to live up to our inner feelings. We have to stand for the values and beliefs that we have embraced, adopted, and woven into our characters.

It was ever thus. The price of leadership is loneliness. The price of adherence to conscience is loneliness. The price of adherence to principle is loneliness. I think it is inescapable. The savior of the world was a man who walked in loneliness. I do not know of any statement more underlined with the pathos of His loneliness than this one; " The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of Man hath not where to lay his head" (Matthew 8:20)

It is not easy to be virtuous when all about us there are those who criticize or scorn virtue. 

In leadership in standing for a principal, there is loneliness. But men and women of integrity must live with their convictions. Unless they do so, their are miserable -- dreadfully miserable. and though there may be thorns, though there may be disappointment, though there may be trouble and travail, heartache and heartbreak, and desperate loneliness, there will also be comfort and strength and that "peace of God, which passeth all understanding" (Philippians 4:7)