Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Could have guessed!

Curious George discovered that our printer is a scanner. He kept pushing the scan button and watching the lights move across the screen. I then showed him that if it was loaded with paper and he put his hand on the screen it would print a scan of his hand. Curious George was in love, as soon as the printer ran out of paper, can you guess what he did.....?

He started running around the house finding random objects to drop in the paper slot and see what the printer would do.

I love experiential learning !

Monday, March 24, 2008

now I know why....

I had a great idea...
a Sandwich bar drawer in the fridge stocked with lots of fun sandwich makings so the kids could make their own sandwiches when they wanted to how they wanted to for lunch.
They ate all the pickles,
more then a pack of bologna,
dried out the bread though they only maybe ate two slices in total,
cut up all the tomatoes..
and left a mess everywhere
I thought it was a good idea too
Maybe after it is not so new they will get tired of eating bologna plain, and the idea will work better

Saturday, March 15, 2008

5 4 3 2 1 Launch!

It is so sweet to come on here and find comments to my blogs... Mostly I write on here for myself.. But it makes it all the more fulfilling to see comments.. Thanks..

Big Sigh... I feel like I got the worst of it out of my system. :). I have truly been having a crazy year..

1. starting with a miscarriage,
2. then a house fire,
3. then living in temporary conditions for six months while our home was being rebuilt,
4. then moving back in,
5. then being on bed rest for two months before I even finished moving in,
6. then loosing that baby even after two months of bed rest,
7. then feeling like I lost my chance at any more children at all
8. then reclaiming my life after all of that (i.e. cleaning up the left over mess) and finishing moving in,
9. then having a huge misunderstanding with my mother that went on for months.
9. then problems with anxiety steadily increasing,
10. then remodeling the kitchen (left over from the fire),
11. then putting the house back in order after the remodel

It has been a roller coaster, and for the last few weeks I just felt like all of my resources were used up and I could not go on. Perspective really can be lost when one is feeling down. I was stuck in the muck of bad emotions and looking for a way out, something to enlighten my spirit and inspire it to get back in the fight.

Thankfully, I recently remembered a priesthood blessing my DH gave me. I remember the warm feeling I felt as he blessed me, and the comfort I felt. I was impressed at the blessing and how perfectly the blessing fit my needs at the time.

Thankfully, this week I remembered this blessing... And I remembered that in it my DH told me that I would accomplish great things with the Lords help, so long as I leaned on him for help, and bore my testimony often, giving him all the credit. Giving the credit to the Lord... this is something I need to practice more.

Today I remembered those words and pondered.. Did the Lord in all his glory know the "depths of despair" I would be feeling trapped in these last several weeks. And did he in all his glory, inspire my DH to say those words in that blessing, for me to reflect on today??

I did not have the strength to do it on my own. But knowing the Lord was behind me supporting me, that gave me newfound strength. I feel my old self coming back to me, and my desire to achieve, struggle, and overcome coming back. I feel like in some ways I have come back to life. I was at the bottom having no faith in my ability to succeed, to continue the daily struggles. But I do have faith in the Lord. He told me months ago that I could succeed, he told me he would be there helping me. I tried many other ways to get myself to 'move on' but now I can not imagine any better way to help me then the words that were told me by my DH's priesthood blessing 2 months ago.

It just makes me stop and ponder....

Can it be said then... That the Lord knew exactly what I needed to hear... Two months before I needed to hear it?

I am thankful to the Lord in all his goodness, that he takes such good care of me.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

My two Angel Babies

Thank you fellow bloggers for checking in on me. The last post and this I think will be a part of a series of post in which I try to understand and resolve my feelings around the last year. That last entry did help.

I have been so dismayed, and felt that the Lords plan was not fulfilled in the miscarriage. I think it was a misunderstanding I had in interpretation of inspiration. I was inspired to give my baby boy a body, and to me that meant a life here on earth. Thus I proceeded to plan his future, and imagine him happily playing with his older brother.

I do not know if it was destiny or it it was just because of the weakness and imperfection of the mortal body. At any rate I feel strongly that the two-three months my son Jeffrey (named for his father) lived in my body were his chance at life. Other mothers have expressed their feelings that the miscarriage did not mean a loss of life for a spirit, and that the spirit had another chance to be born in their next child. Only for me there is not a next child, but I felt the spirit in me, this I can not deny. Thus if the spirit was given a body, though tiny and hidden away secretly in my body, and this body died, then the spirit went back to heaven, his earthly life over. I will not see it any other way. My spirit son lost his chance at an earthly life. Thus I felt sorrow that the Lords plans were wrecked. But instead it was my plans that were wrecked, my plans for another brother in the family. The Lords plan still was carried out, this dear spirit got his opportunity to have a body.

And my boy can know from heaven how deeply he was loved. I took as much time as possible to love him and morn him, I wanted him to know that his loss was also a great loss to me. I still pray that the angles will take good care of him, and love him, especially love him, for me. And I pray that they will care for and love my 2nd baby I miscarried afterwards. These two angles are being raised by angles.

I can not explain how I pleaded with the angles, how I told them I did not want them to raise these two babies, how I planned to raise these two spirits, and what I would give up in order to have that opportunity back. But alas, now, I am left to pray for their care. Not that I worry it will be sufficient, but because I want to be a part of it. And, I want these two wonderful spirits to know I love them still, and still care for their well being.

I do not know if I have three angle babies or not. My first miscarriage happened in the first two weeks, before I even knew to test to see if I was pregnant. I seem to feel that the ovum was blighted enough to not produce another valid host for a spirit, in some funny way that is my hope. No, that is my belief I believe there are two angel babies I carried, not three, though I have experienced three miscarriages.